If your stress is causing a lack of erections, you may be wondering when and if you will ever be able to return to satisfying sex life. The good news is that you will but it will take some work on your stress levels before that is possible.
How Erections Happen
Erections are an involuntary process that your brain controls. It's the same type of involuntary response as getting goose bumps when you're cold or blushing when you're embarrassed. The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) has two parts that work together to cause you to have an erection: The sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic helps you become sexually aroused but also prepares your body to take action on stress, also known as the "fight or flight response". The parasympathetic kicks in after a stressor is no longer a threat by calming your body down.
When you become sexually aroused, the sympathetic and parasympathetic parts of the ANS work simultaneously to cause an erection. The parasympathetic calms you down enough so that the sympathetic can get you aroused and send the message to your penis to erect. However, when you're under a great deal of stress, the two parts of the ANS compete with one another and messages aren't sent to the penis.
When Stress Is Causing a Lack of Erections
When you're stressed, the parasympathetic part of the ANS is unable to calm your body down because the sympathetic is working overtime trying to make the stressor go away (either by preparing your body to get away from whatever is causing you stress or giving you the energy to fight it off). Therefore, when you are trying to have sex and introduce a new stressor (sexual arousal) your body can't process the new message, which is how stress is causing a lack of erections.
Stressors That Cause Erectile Dysfunction
Just about any type of stress can cause erectile dysfunction. Problems at work, with family and even illness can be stressful enough to interfere with sexual responses. For some men, erectile dysfunction is the cause of their stress. If they've had problems with having or keeping an erection before, they may fear that it will happen again, causing stress and then repeat lack of erections.
How to Know if Stress Is the Cause of Your Erectile Dysfunction
- If you are able to have an erection while sleeping or first thing in the morning, stress is most likely the cause of your loss of erections.
- If you're able to have and maintain an erection during masturbation, performance anxiety is most likely the cause for your erectile dysfunction.
Solving Stress-Induced Erectile Dysfunction
If you've confirmed that stress is the reason why you are not able to have or keep an erection, stress management techniques can help you. Start by eliminating as many stressors from your life as you are able to and then work on the ones that you can't avoid. If work is overwhelming, speak to your boss about delegating some of your tasks to others. If you have a difficulty with time management, take steps to prioritize your time with a schedule.
For many situations, you may not be able to do anything about (i.e. the death or illness of a loved one). In these types of situations, you can try to calm down your physiological responses to the stress by exercising, meditating or doing some other stress reliever. By doing this, you may be able to slow down the sympathetic part of the ANS so that your parasympathetic can catch up to help you calm down enough to have an erection.
It's important to understand, however, that sometimes in times of extreme stress, you may just need to ride it out until life gets better. Alternatively, you can speak to your doctor about medication that can help you with your anxiety, depression or specifically, erectile dysfunction. Usually, men who go this route have chronic issues with erectile dysfunction.
Supporting Your Partner
Do not blame your partner if he is having a problem with erections. The loss of erections is not because he doesn't find you attractive or sexually stimulating, it's a physical problem. It's a common occurrence in men and it is temporary. Keep in mind, if you pressure him about it or make him feel like a failure, the situation can become worse.
The best thing you can do is ask your partner what is troubling him. Talking, listening and helping will help him feel better about his inability to have an erection and ensure that he will return to his normal sexual performance once he is no longer under extreme stress.